


bring us closer to the love we want to find

by melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme



Series: mattex ficlets! [5]
Category: Doctor Who RPF
Genre: Angst, F/M, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29108985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme/pseuds/melodypond_thewomanwhomarriedme
Summary: She didn’t understand why Matt was mad at her. Everything had gone so smoothly between them - sometimes, it surprised her how easily they fell into a committed relationship. Matt was gentle and kind and patient, everything she ever could’ve hoped for in someone. It settled her nerves a little when she really got to know him.But now, she doubted if he really felt the same for her - she just didn’t understand what reason he had for acting so cold. He’d barely looked at her all throughout lunch, didn’t stop to give her a kiss when he left for his usual jog, and when he came back, he headed straight for the shower, not even bothering to give her a passing glance.
Relationships: Alex Kingston/Matt Smith
Series: mattex ficlets! [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2135766
Kudos: 8





	bring us closer to the love we want to find

**Author's Note:**

> fic title from Just A Kiss by Lady A

She didn’t understand why Matt was mad at her. Everything had gone so smoothly between them - sometimes, it surprised her how easily they fell into a committed relationship. Matt was gentle and kind and patient, everything she ever could’ve hoped for in someone. It settled her nerves a little when she really got to know him.

But now, she doubted if he really felt the same for her - she just didn’t understand what reason he had for acting so cold. He’d barely looked at her all throughout lunch, didn’t stop to give her a kiss when he left for his usual jog, and when he came back, he headed straight for the shower, not even bothering to give her a passing glance. 

She bit her lip nervously, looking towards the shower that was still running. What had she done wrong? All she knew was that his mood had suddenly switched after they met a few producers for breakfast to discuss possible roles in an upcoming Netflix series. Sure, he maintained his jolly demeanour throughout, was quite polite and professional, but as soon as they got into the car, he remained silent the entire car ride. 

She sat on the edge of their bed, waiting for him to finish showering. When he did, emerging from the bathroom with his towel slung low on his hips, she had to remind herself that this was no time to get distracted, no matter how much she wanted to. 

“Darling?” she asked quietly as he walked towards the closet, not even noticing that she’d been waiting for him.

“Hmm?” he replied, still fishing around for a clean tshirt.

“Have I done something wrong?” she asked, after a few moments of hesitation. He didn’t answer immediately and she felt the sudden urge to explain. “It’s just - you haven’t kissed me since morning. You haven’t even looked at me since you came home.”

There still isn’t an answer, even though she knew he was listening - he stopped rifling through his closet, and the sounds of cloth rustling ceased.

“It’s just - whatever it is, I’m sorry,” she said softly, looking towards his back at the closet. She just felt so incredibly sad, and she longed for him in a way she hadn’t prepared for. “Let me make it up to you?”

He turned slowly, finally facing her. She looked up at him with wide, sad eyes, still worrying her bottom lip. He looked a little sheepish at first, before pursing his lips determinedly. 

“I didn’t realise that you noticed,” he admitted, walking over to her and settling beside her on the bed. He hadn’t managed to find a shirt, still wearing just his towel around his waist. “I’m sorry I made you feel guilty, I just - it’s stupid.”

“How many times have you told me to talk to you about whatever?” she pointed out to him. “Do you really think it doesn’t apply to you, too? Just tell me, darling.”

He paused, swallowing slightly as his eyes moved slowly over her face. “It was breakfast, with Grant and Larry. I just - ”

He stopped again, breaking off mid-sentence to sigh heavily. He couldn’t keep the image of Grant, a charming, handsome, charismatic Australian man in his fifties, flirting shamelessly with Alex. And what was worse - Alex had reciprocated, looking utterly delighted that someone was paying attention to her.

“You flirted with Grant,” he stated, and she raised a questioning eyebrow at him. He sighed and ran a hand through his combed hair, messing it up again. “I don’t know - after we went public a month ago - everyone’s been talking about how we can’t last because of our age and - “

“But you were never worried about that before,” she said, surprised and confused in equal measure. “You always said it didn’t matter - “

“I know, I know,” he said wearily, sighing again and looking down at his lap. “But seeing you and Grant - something in me just - just clicked. I can’t keep up with you, Alex. I’m not - not good enough for you in so many ways, ways that someone like Grant  _ is _ and - and I can’t help but wonder - “

“If you’re being an idiot? Because you are,” Alex snapped, frowning at him. “Matt, remember every single reason you gave me to convince me to stay? Repeat them to yourself.”

He looked at her, his eyes filled with a kind of hopeless sadness that made her heart ache, but he was being so damn  _ daft _ and he needed to snap out of it - being irrational and insecure was  _ her _ thing, not his. 

“He knew we were together, Alex, and he still flirted with you  _ right in front of me _ ,” he said miserably, shaking his head. “No one will ever respect that we’re together. You don’t deserve that - you deserve - you deserve  _ everything _ .”

“Then give me everything,” she said softly to him, reaching out to take both his hands in hers. “I only want what you can give me, darling. You think I don’t notice when those women flirt with you when I’m right there? You think I don’t question when one of them gives you those eyes, that you would be better off with them than with me?”

“It isn’t the same,” he said, turning away.

“How?” she asked, just a hint of fury in her voice, because he was being so goddamn  _ unreasonable  _ and she just didn’t  _ understand. “ _ How is that any different to what you’re feeling now?”

“Because you  _ know _ , Alex!” he burst, shaking his hands out of her grip. She sits up, eyes wide as she stared at him in surprise at his outburst. “You know that I’m so - so  _ bloody _ in love with you. You know that I’d do anything for you - I’ve said so so many times. But I don’t. I’m still waiting.”

Her mouth opened as she watched him, his words still processing in her brain. He’d said those three words just before they went public. She’d been so over the moon then, so happy that he could ever look at her that way, but she’d been unable to repeat the words back to him. He’d assured her that it was okay, that she could take her time, that he would be waiting patiently for her when she was ready. He’d never pushed her for it, never said anything about wanting to hear those words from her back - not until now. 

She hadn’t realised he’d been waiting all this time, and she feels a horrible guilt come over her. She’d been taking her time, just like he asked her to, but she should’ve known that he needed to hear it just like she needed to know it. She should’ve realised that he needed that assurance, too.

He turned away from her, and she could see the tears in his eyes, and she felt her heart ache for the sadness and pain he must’ve been feeling all day. Slowly, she reached out for him, cupping his face gently and climbing onto his lap. She settled herself on top of him, her knees on either side of his thighs as she surged forwards and gave him the most gentle, tender kiss she could muster.

“I love you,” she whispered against his lips, feeling tears on his cheeks. She kissed them away, whispering softly as she did. “I fell in love with you, not them. Not any of them - and I never will, darling. Not as long as I have you.”

He gripped her waist in his hands, looking down at her as if he could hardly believe what she was saying. He looked like she’d given him everything he could’ve ever asked for, and he pressed his lips to the side of her neck, feeling more tears escape his eyes.

“I’m sorry it took me so long to say it,” she whispered, arms wrapped around his shoulders. “I’m sorry you doubted it, darling. But I could never - I’m so, so in love with you it scares me. I would do anything for you.”

“God, Alex, love, I - I just love you so much. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” he whispered back, lips trailing over her skin. “I never want to be without you.”

“You never have to be,” she promised. 

He pulled away slightly, looking her in the eyes. He gave her a smile so full of joy she couldn’t help but return it, even as tears ran down their faces. He reached up to wipe her cheeks, kissing her face as he does. 

“Make love to me?” she asked breathlessly.

He didn’t answer; he merely tugged her closer and covered her lips with his once more.


End file.
